Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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