No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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