Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
