Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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