im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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