Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
