I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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