Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
