Me. At least after what I've been through.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
is that a dick in a sweater?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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