i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
