you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
