well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
