Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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