Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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