Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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