did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
