Please, let me fuck your mom
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
