If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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