Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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