You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My ass is underappreciated
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
