Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
