Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
