from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
