Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
