Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Screwed.edu
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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