It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
