ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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