I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
