He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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