As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
