It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
