rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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