Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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