I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
