i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
