I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
