this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
