youre lurking in front of me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
