you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
