So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
