im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
