remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
