you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
