there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
