it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drake has all the answers
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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