I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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