I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
