I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
