my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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