we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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