I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
