Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
