I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if i died would you start the facebook group?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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