Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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