When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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