my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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