we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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