why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
