we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
