I will die if light touches me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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