you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
