if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
